My Biggest Fears

Two major fears I have are disappointing others and losing my intelligence. I worry so much about disappointing those close to me. 

Growing up, I was viewed as the smart one, the good kid. I did well in school, A's and B's maybe a few C's. Once I got into high school, things changed. I'm not sure why, but I all of a sudden didn't do so well. That's when the fear started. I was no longer living up to my reputation. I was slowly letting my family down with each report card. The school staff didn't help much, either. I needed a few surgeries at a certain point, so I missed school, never really getting the opportunity for make up work. That was my own fault. 

At that point I was tired of trying. Thinking back, that was a foolish decision. As I began to get careless in my school work, I believe that is when my other fear set in. My intelligence was what I was known for. If I lost that, what did that make me? Just another "special" kid in a wheelchair? I tried to do better, but by then it was too late. I dropped out of school by 11th grade. Since then, I have tried to keep my mind sharp. I did not want to be seen as just some slow kid in a wheelchair.

It's been years and those two fears still bug me. I'm an adult now and yet I still worry about letting my parents down. Disappointing my closest friends. Am I the person they see me as? Am I still the smart kid I was back in elementary and middle school? I don't know. All I know is I am striving to be a good example. I want to show that, despite being in a wheelchair I can still accomplish great things. What about you?

Editor: Esmé Nicolson-Singh (redsbreadslady)